Late July

The Herbal HRT has helped with temper and mood, thank goodness! I wanted to give it a few weeks to work, and then look back honestly. Honestly? It helped. Or maybe it is a placebo, but I do know that I do now have less of a temper than I did, and I get hold of my emotions easier. My boss is happier with me, that's for sure!

I have smaller headaches, but more often I take a couple Motrin, and carry on, knowing that my descent into Menopause could be so much worse.

Laying on my stomach now feels like the area below my naval has a thick paperback there - it still feels like someone else's stomach. My hips and knees are sore almost all the time. I am just on Actoplus Met now (good thing, because my new insurance upped the cost to a $30 co-pay!) And I cut the tablets in half, and take smaller, sustained dosages every few hours. When I behave myself with eating, it works...usually.

My Aunt has suggested I try the "blood type diet". I crave junk now - often. I am honestly trying to switch from candy to sunflower seeds - something I picked up on my trip out West. We shall see.....

Mid-June

I have finally caved, and started herbal HRT. My legs hurt, and my gut feels wierd.

I'm also tired, and although I have a much longer fuse now, I have a teeeeeemmmmper.

this should be an interesting time.

Oh, and I fired my doctors.

Spring!

Pollen, pollen, pollen.....

It coats cars, and turns my nose into a sea. Nothing new, and the clairitin substitute seems to be helping.

My hips and knees are sore. I don't know what is up with that, I need to make an appointment.

I'm back to watching dogs. I'm back to playing instruments for a pit band for a play. I'm back to getting home at 9. And I am the same tired that I was before.

Maybe it's lifestyle? LOL

Good Friday

I am at work, and 99.99999 percent of my coworkers are off. This is what that means! It means that the second I need to run to the restroom, the phone will ring; anytime I am actually at my desk??? Yeah, silent.

It means that I will make coffee that I will dump out.

It also means I get to crank on Handels Messiah at my desk, and no one will mind! :)

I have about 25 envelopes to stuff for the Buisness office, and 10 Bills to enter into the log.

I should be done in the next half-hour.

I walked briskly up my stairs last night without holding the handrail, and surprised myself. There was no weird pulling, no fatigue. I really, truly am getting better. Thank God.

Running...

Was gone from 8-9 today. Yet, I am up, and feeling ok! I should be lying down! Napping! Something! Instead, I am doing LAUNDRY??????? Whoa!

Tipping points

Dinner went well, and we are both riding the health train. He has Type I, me Type II, both seem to have been triggered by secondary body trauma. Me from the tapeworms, him from breaking his arm.

The interconnectedness of health really is amazing, huh?

Bread...and Dinner

I gave up bread for lent, thinking that it would be something easy, something I would not really miss.....WRONG!

Though my blood sugars are considerably better, I can't tell if it is a carbohydrate reduction, or from the re-alignment of my hormones from the hysterectomy. Wonderful. Another month of dealing with adjustments. Do I just fix and fix until my beta cells die, and they put me on insulin?

Eating dinner with my ex tonight. I need to tell him about John's death. I am an emotional mess, and, although it should not matter, considering the water under Niko and my proverbial bridge, I find myself angry and embarrassed that I have a brand new chin-zit for the occasion...Vanity is as ill-fitting and unattractive on me as any of my other vices.

Mo Pro

I worked last week at the Church painting on Saturday...and Monday...and Tuesday...and Thursday....and Friday, which was the Mormon Prom.

Wednesday was St. Patrick's Day, and I celebrated with my family.

I was assigned to do a bridge that took forever, and it wound up looking childish, and not what I wanted, but I have decided that I don't care. I am beyond tired, and got so sick of blood sugar lows, I did something radical.....

I cancelled my appointment with my Endocrinologist, and cut my prescriptions in half.

I check my blood sugars 6 times a day, and medicate only if I rise over 150.

I will need to go into next week (when I am not as busy) to decide, but I think it is working for me! I had no lows, and no real highs!

The Bridge too far.....

Saturday night I showed up to paint, and was assigned a bridge facade. With no actual tools to do so, I was told to create a "precise bridge"....complete with curved cement bottom (like Venice) and wrought iron top. Made of 1 inch foam core insulation...I painted a grid, and got to work. It looked a mess, but made sense to me.

I am now almost done. Initially, my knees and back were really sore from painting, but I got to lay on the hard floor last night and really stretch out my back, and it was lots better. One of the Brothers on the build crew is a carpenter, and swears by his inversion table. He says hanging upside down pulls everything right, and relieves pain.

If I was not so worried about breaking the machine, collapsing into a pile of aluminum and inversion boots, I'd give it a try....

Thinking about taking a more radical approach to my diabetes treatment.....more later.

The visitors, and the aftereffects...

During the storm, a really old ex-boyfriend's Father died. I heard the story on facebook (where most stories are told these days).

The funeral had been planned for the Friday of the first storm, and it got cancelled. My old High-School friend and her daughter came for the rescheduled Memorial service. As it was the daughter's Spring Break, they stayed a week.

I walked 3+ miles the first day of taking them downtown. L. and I had carefully calculated the closest Metro stop to the Museums, and as we emerged, the 13 year old looked around, and said, "I want to see The Lincoln Memorial!"

I protested, but off we went. The next day we saw actual museums, but they wanted to hike to Judiciary Square to hop the Red line....

I was sore for days, but am recovering now. Next task will be painting for the Mormon Prom.....

Back in time

As a teenager, I would never have more than one zit at a time. As of this moment, I have 9! They are like baby acne - tiny one pore whiteheads. But there are so many of them, I really look a mess!

I really can't believe I am even writing about this. I could have had cancer, and I am complaining about my acne? really? It does make me wonder what other hormones are off balance. And while I am glad that I have not grown a beard, this is even more irritating. My hair is falling out in the shower in handfuls, and I finally think I will at least ask about HRT...

Melting...It's melting.....

We were off for 5 days! I have never been off that long before! The snow is melting, which is a good thing, because the parking lot of our apartments never did get properly plowed.

Work has returned to normal, schedules have been adjusted, and make-up plays, concerts and meetings have filled the time.

I have bee staying up and watching the Olympics, so I am tired, but other than that, I feel good. Am making a point to stretch well every day. It is helping that pulling feel where I had surgery.

I was on my feet for several hours at a Church dance Saturday night, and really felt the incision at the end. I went home and took some ibuprophin, and laid down, it helped alot. Other than that, I am bending and stretching like I have not been able to do in a while......makes me wonder how long I had those cysts!

Blizzard

With a brief break, we are once again socked in with a blizzard. It is impossible to tell how much new snow has fallen, because the wind is so high that you can't really tell what is blowing and what is falling. The cars are covered again, so I guess this weekend will be full of digging.

I'm not stir crazy yet, but I just learned that we will be off tomorrow and Friday! Whoa! I am watching too much TV, and not doing enough work. LOL Figures! LOL

Snow, and Car Wars!

Friday the 5th, it dumped 30 inches of snow. Over the weekend my cousin and I have dug out 3 cars. Her Jeep Liberty was first, because tree branches were threatening to fall on it. Becky's CR-V was next, then my Camry yesterday. Parking lot shoveling etiquette dictates that you NEVER throw snow on someone else's car, and you do not block someone else's access to their car. Many in my parking lot do not follow shoveling etiquette.

I throw my snow out into the parking lot, so that the plough can pick it up. The plough has not been by in days.

The first guy that dug himself out was a black Mustang. LOL The WORST car in the snow, ever! These boys came around, and knocked on doors, and offered to shovel people out. The car that was next to the black Mustang paid money to get shoveled out. They did not follow etiquette, and covered the black Mustang in snow from the neighboring car. My cousin and I watched a FURIOUS Mustang owner, throwing all the snow back on the other car! LOL

I got tired, but was pleased to not be as sore as I thought I'd be. the bottom of my stomach feels weirdly numb now, something I have been told is normal.

The bottle and the boots

It snowed Saturday evening, a white blanket of traffic-clogging nonsense, that caused church to be cancelled on Sunday. A true day of rest was most welcome, and I had to do a double take not to set an alarm!

I felt rested, but I think I have pulled something in the groin area while shoveling. I am also slipping very easily. As a result, I am wearing Timberland's as snow boots.

At work today, my boss' boss has asked me not to wear my snow boots to work. The problem with that is, that the floor of the cafeteria is also slick. My Merrill's are useless on slick surfaces.

I am going to break down and get the big, ugly pair of Diabetic shoes that I should be wearing, and that my work cannot say a word about, because I am done being told what I am wearing is wrong, not dress code, etc. I am wearing a boot because I don't want to LAND ON MY ASS, and I don't wear the shoes I used to, because they almost made me lose my toe.

I am tired, but I am ploughing on, and put some money in the postage cash box. Laying beside the cash box, neat as you please, is a beautiful, green bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. I'd forgotten all about it! It was like Ambrosia, the very nectar of the Gods. Drinking it, I am renewed, awake....

....and feisty about my dang boots! LOL This is probably why I have this attitude!

Book Club

I Love my book club. I did not finish this months book, even though I had 2 months to read it, and it is a wonderful - cannot put down book. Excuses? Well.....I did not buy it until Christmas Morning, when Boarders had a ripping cool sale, and got it for like $14, but also...I am also tired. I don't want to read when I get home anymore. I want to eat dinner, and watch TV, and farm facebook, and go to bed. Period. I don't even really enjoy doing Laundry anymore, and I REALLY like laundry.

I think my lack of filter is fatigue related, as well. I am just too tired to be anything but blunt, and real. I want my subtlety back, my 'tell your truth, but tell the KIND truth.' I don't need to be a jerk and I think I am becoming one.

Fatigue and my search for relevance

I am quite tired...

I had 6 hours of Church meetings yesterday. Being in leadership, and still recovering from this is absolutely exhausting. I will be released within 6 months from one of my 2 Stake -(mid level administrative) callings, but Church runs 3 hours, and my evening meeting is 90 minutes. So the time commitment is about the same on Sunday. My 'day of rest' is hardly that.

It actually felt as if my eyelids were fighting gravity this morning. I am back on a timed, medicinal amount of caffeine, something controversial in LDS circles. Ironic, huh? The actual church rule is coffee and tea, and I am on a pill, so it is not exactly the same, but any substance that causes addiction is probably not the best thing for me to be doing...

And then there is the feeling. The creeping feeling of irrelevance every time I am in Church. I wondered if this would happen with the hysterectomy- a Church that not only values family and children, but has it as part of it's core belief is bound to stir some feelings.

Filter

My Filter is gone. My Jennie-shut-up-what-are-you-saying filter is gone! The things that come out of my mouth now are done without thought to the consequences. This is NOT GOOD!

Is it from the hormonal storm that is causing the zits? Is it that I was home for so long, and I forgot how to guard my conversation?

Or is it that I feel better?

The aftermath.....

After I came home, I was apartment bound for 4 weeks, and could not come back to work for 6. I read, played online, and did not do stairs. Church and work folk brought in food, and I slept alot.

It amazes me how clear my head is, almost from the moment I woke up on the table. This is clearly what has been wrong with me.

Dr. L said that there was an endometrioma the size of a softball perched on top of my Uterus, (I even saw the Laparascopic photos, amazing!) one of my ovaries was pinned to my pelvic wall with endometriosis, and I was, as the Doctor said, "a real mess." He told my family it was the hardest hysterectomy he had ever done. That is saying something, he began practicing in 1974!

I feel lucky to have come through, what has surprised me is the number of women my age who have this done, and have problems. I have heard from many classmates on facebook, and a former neighbor, who have had terrible experiences, cancer, and a host of things.

The Hysterectomy support group has even more. Ladies who are mourning the end of their fertility, mourning that they can't have more children (though I have noticed that none of the women who have never had a child express this.) The site kept warning me that I would have flashes, depression, and negative feelings.

I have not. If anything, my mood is stabilized, and without emotional detachment, I am feeling good for the first time in a long time. I have no real negative feelings about this, at all.

Story three

I was up and walking that night, and was kept in until that next Monday at noon. I had alot of visitors, which was great. Most of my nurses were great, with the exception of one. My friend J. warned me about her, as she had her during a recent stay there. She turned off the spinal block machine to change it and did not turn it back on (the Doctor finally noticed it after ), tried to give me a blood pressure drug I do not take, and kept trying to give me oral narcotics.

The Hospital, an Adventist one, had a hard time with a Diabetic/vegetarian diet, and I wound up with a white carb nightmare so gross that I photographed it.

The spinal came out Sunday around noon, with a peel, and a large rash in the shape of the adhesive. I had kicked everyone out to have this, and opened the door to let everyone back in to welcome a bunch of people from my Ward who had shown up while I was having this done.