Bad Attitude

I am pretty sure it will pass, but yesterday I found myself with this overwhelming desire to minimize contact with people before, during, and after my surgery. I had this elaborate dream, where my Sister simply dropped me off at the Hospital, and picked me up a day later, and I went home to a full fridge to rest for a few days.

I know this is not going to happen, and it is stupid and selfish of me to think it. Half of service or helping is that there is someone to be helped. And, I may need more help than I think. This is just arrogance on my part, and is embarrassing to even write about. But the writing helps me work out what I am really feeling, and helps push past my over sized ego.

All of the unknowns are working on me. I have started to research HRT, and have scared myself with garish photos of cysts, and the blogs and faces of women young and old who have died of Ovarian Cancer. Even official websites (like NIH and the Mayo clinic) disagree on what HRT will, and will not do to me.....