Bloodwork and Doctors

I now have all but my last type and cross blood work.

None of the Doctors had each other's paperwork, labs, or any of the things I needed.

Dr. W. did my physical, and spent half the time on hold with Dr L. to see what he needed, because no one faxed any paperwork!

Dr. W. thought I had not seen Dr. V. my Endocrinologist since June, because labs and assessments, and Med changes were not sent. Thank goodness I had my day planner, and a faxed copy of my most recent labs.

I went to the Hospital, and other than the room being booked, no one knew I was to have surgery. We, the Business office and I, spent :40 chewing through a ton of questions.

They were upset I had gone to my Dr. for the Physical, and sent me upstairs for labs. The lab assistant tried to get me to put a sticker with a man's name on it on my urine specimen, until I finally asked, "Aren't they gonna wonder why a dude needs a Hysterectomy?"

I got a call yesterday morning, a nurse from the Hospital asking me the same questions as when I came to the Hospital, and informed me that I would need another blood test for a final type and cross right before surgery.

It's like keystone cops. I fell asleep last night with the thought - I really don't want to do this.

I don't have any confidence that they will not mess up, and I will have to pay with something physical, or pay extra money, because they have messed up the Insurance.

I will show up, and have this done, but I am not a happy camper.

I had my durable power of attorney notarized today, just in case.

John

Oh, what I'd give for a thousand years, but the physical interferes
Every day more, O my Creator...
Oh, what is the piont of the strongest heart
in a body that's falling apart.
A serious flaw... Evita

John died Friday, at 1:50 pm.

I have had 23 years to prepare for this day, and it is still so shocking, sad, and unspeakable. I can't even look at my facebook. It is too upsetting.

What is this doing on my health blog? I'll tell you.

I hate that I was too sick to go down and say goodbye.

I hate that I am missing his Memorial Service at this moment, again because I am too sick to travel.

I hate that I will probably miss his burial less than 3 hours away, because he is being buried Novamber 3rd, and I will still be recovering from surgery.

I hate that all my noble threats to cancel my surgery to be able to go are silenced by my discomforting throbbing of the cysts.

Support groups?

There are alot of support groups for hysterectomy out on the web. I joined one, and found it is sponsored by the surgical company that makes the equipment to take girl parts out......hmmmm.

I like the support, and general (non-medical) advice, from the ladies on there, I am just hesitant to trust that this comes from a company that makes money off of selling the equipment to do this. (It does have a cooling pillow that I may splurge on, though....it looks really comfy.)

So I went looking for another, less......shall we say - sponsored?....site.

I must not have been paying attention. Or, I got lucky with the last site I was on. I had no idea that there existed such angry, feminist "how dare you assault our bodies" support groups! Whoa!

One was complete with an art gallery. I love art. I clicked it, prepared to be encouraged, inspired.

I don't know what I was expecting - Georgia O'Keefe-esque representations of the female........or, perhaps feminine affirming art that, despite a lack of fertility, embraces woman as more than her ability to make life, but her ability to nurture and respect a healthy life without those parts.

Nope! Instead a horror show!

Doctors portrayed as the big bad wolf, and the patient as a naive little red riding hood, sans uterus, bloody and ravaged; a nightmare fairy tale gone horribly wrong!

It left me....puzzled, and a bit...amused?

I have feelings about having all of my fertile bits taken out. None of these feelings have anything to do with an ounce of anger at my Doctor - it is not his fault, he is trying to save me.

In Dr. L's office, he has this glory wall of little faces - babies that he has delivered. Birth announcements, little hand and feet prints, a future generation brought safely into this world, as messed up as it is, to give us a hopeful future.

I honestly feel like this is his preferred use of female organs, and these cysts, fibroids and nodes are an aberration. They must be removed for health, safety, and comfort, but this is not what he would have wanted for anyone.

I should not have smiled. The artist is young, and if she wants to be angry at the Doctor, so be it. Her blurb does mention a recent degree from a respected University, but also that she is perfectly healthy, and not (!) a recipient of any surgery whatsoever!

Sigh....

I stayed home for most of yesterday. I have been so tired, and my stomach acted up so much that I missed a Church planning meeting, and Stake Conference. I don't know what is going on, but I am also having spotting, like I am trying to have a period! Makes me wonder if something ruptured - again? Another septated part of one of the larger cysts maybe?

I went to a Pampered hef party on Saturday, and fell asleep for most of it.

It makes me look forward to surgery even more.

I stand, and my bladder fills so quickly that I have to run to the restroom. I can only guess that when I sit the cysts are pressing on my Urethrea. I try to remember to stand, frequently, I don't need my kidneys backing up on top of everything else.

People keep telling me that it is for the best, and I need not be around all the people, especially during cold and flu season.

Adventures in Prescriptions!

Yesterday morning, I called in one of my diabetes medications, and the last of the birth control pills that keep the fibroids from giving me the 4 periods in 6 weeks that sent me off to the Doctor in the first place. I arranged to pick them up at 6pm, and went about my day.

On the way home from work, I stopped by the drugstore. I am fortunate to have a 24-hour pharmacy close to me. I bought a few things, went to the back, got 2 prescriptions, everything got put in a sack, and I was on my way.

I get home to find that NEITHER prescription was what I ordered, they were other, less useful medications (blood pressure and cholesterol, neither of which are actual problems, the doctor says they 'protect my kidneys') and one of the new prescriptions had only been filled last week, and, as a result, I'd paid out-of-pocket for it!

I brought them back in the morning, and the pharmacist was at a loss as to why these had been sitting in the pick-up bin. Nevertheless, he had filled what I'd called in yesterday morning, so it was ready.

As for the other pills, he will re-bill the insurance as soon as the refill date goes current and refund me the difference. So, in the end it all works out, but I just am at a loss as to what to think of the errors, and frustrated with an Insurance company that can't just pay for the freaking pills, which I need every month!

This is not even what Congress is debating - they are wanting (or not) to get most or all citizens on the insurance machine in the first place! They are not even trying to fix all the hundreds of ways that insurance itself is a bureaucratic monolith of red tape, networks and endless prescription tiers.

Yet I know that when I worked in Utah, it was being debated in the Legislature whether birth control pills should even be covered under insurance, since birth control is a 'choice'......this, while Viagra was clearly covered, because it treated a legitimate medical condition.....As if the fibroids that will cost me my Uterus at the end of the month give me a choice whether to take the pill, or not.

I am very happy on days like this to trade he breathtaking sunsets, and amazing Vietnamese food of Utah for the coverage of a medicine that prevents me from becoming anemic.

Foot Doc

Saw Dr. A, my foot Doctor, yesterday. He has officially saved my toe (left middle), and, unless I do something to it, I only have to see him 4x a year now!

We talked about my upcoming Surgery. If I'm in for more than 24 hours, I am to call him, and he will stop by to say hi. Nice!

He also said I should try to take charge of my own pills for my Diabetes when I am in, and that patient sugars tended to be higher when in the Hospital. He also said that they might try to put me on Insulin when I am in, and that I should let them if they want to. Also, that I should monitor my own sugars, even if the Nurses do as well, because my numbers with my machine will give me a better overall picture.

Excellent advice!

Bad Attitude

I am pretty sure it will pass, but yesterday I found myself with this overwhelming desire to minimize contact with people before, during, and after my surgery. I had this elaborate dream, where my Sister simply dropped me off at the Hospital, and picked me up a day later, and I went home to a full fridge to rest for a few days.

I know this is not going to happen, and it is stupid and selfish of me to think it. Half of service or helping is that there is someone to be helped. And, I may need more help than I think. This is just arrogance on my part, and is embarrassing to even write about. But the writing helps me work out what I am really feeling, and helps push past my over sized ego.

All of the unknowns are working on me. I have started to research HRT, and have scared myself with garish photos of cysts, and the blogs and faces of women young and old who have died of Ovarian Cancer. Even official websites (like NIH and the Mayo clinic) disagree on what HRT will, and will not do to me.....